Doomed Date Diaries by Bethany Quinn
Okay- letters were obviously doomed the minute the first email was sent- in those heady days before a colon followed by a closed bracket became as annoying as getting a case of the rear end drizzles on holiday- but who'd have thought that talking would be the next victim of the phone-zombie era?
Harvey was hilarious by text. So funny it hurt. The things he could do with 160 characters made a girl's head spin. In the land of the two-thumb-typists Harvey was the undisputed king. In real life however, he turned out to be a bit of a disappointment.
'He comes here a lot,' the barman said.
'Who?' I said, as I handed over what seemed like enough money to buy the entire vineyard where my ghastly wine was grown.
'The bloke you're with,' the barman said. 'You've got to be the fourth date he's had this week.'
'Really?' I said. Harvey didn't seem the sort. He was certainly a lot shorter than I expected. Less suave and chiseled. Balder too.
'Women seem to love him, but he never goes home with any of them.'
The barman shrugged. 'I think he has an unfortunate manner,' he said, handing me back a much smaller pile of change than I had really hoped for. 'You'll see.'
True enough, Harvey didn't say much. Instead, his gaze got stuck somewhere around my left breast. What few words he did say were addressed directly to my cleavage- but with a definite left hand bias. He was transfixed- though what he could see through a shirt, a sweater and a sports bra was beyond me. (Yes- I've stopped jogging for now- but occasionally wearing the sports bra makes me feel kind of toned and athletic. Matt says that I'm just 'soft and undisciplined.' I love it when he says things like that.)
When I got home I had a good look to see what was so wrong with my right breast. I took my top off and did a twirl in front of the bathroom mirror and everything. I bounced up and down too. I couldn't see that there was any difference.
Later I wanted to send Harvey a text asking him why he was so left-bosom-centric- but I didn't. I didn't want to know. Some things are best unsaid.